Wrexham

Alumni: Tim Vincent, Half of Mansun.
Amenities: Football club, pound shops.

Wrexham is the proud owner of a football club, and nothing else whatsoever, since the brewery closed- it produced Wrexham Lager, “The ONLY Welsh lager”, which, unsurprisingly, was not popular in the country of Cery’s Matthew’s birth because it was only about 3% ABV.

The people there generally have children by the age of 18. It is at this age that they usually get a job in the Numark Pharmacy packing plant or one of the many sports shops (which are there to satisfy the demand for Kappa tracksuits), and by the age of 50 they’ve often grown as wide as they are tall, and waddle about the town centre looking for cheap clothes they can actually squeeze into.

Elisa Parish