AH, IS THIS NOT SADNESS
BEN MOOR uncovers an alternative to Chin’s Happy Moments. New nominations appear at the top, for Ben’s see below.
Sitting in the garden, idling, and noticing a Robin on the fence, I go inside and fetch some bread, over many weeks, nay, months. After quietly coaxing the small bird, the Robin comes to my feet for me to feed, and from therin follows me around the garden. He’s my Robin.
Then after having gone away for the weekend, I come back to find our cat stood at the front door awaiting our return, with my dismembered Robin in its mouth. Ah is this not sadness?
Andy S
Anticipating eagerly some time away from a dead-end, soul destroying job only to spend your holiday time feeling that you should be more gainfully occupied. Ah, is this not sadness?
Lee Farley
You’re having an unusually fulfilling conversation with someone you’ve just met. You seem to agree on everything. ‘You make them smile. You feel clever and charming . Your heart is lifted. Then you see them behaving in exactly the same way with someone else on the other side of the room. Ah, is this not sadness?
Lenny
I run my fingernail down the inside of the CD case in my haste to open it and listen to its unknown musical contents. I push the fingernail too far down the crevice and it starts to bleed. My fingernail turns red and starts to faintly throb. I return to the task and break one of the legs of the CD case. I put the CD into the player and press play. The song sounds bland and samey. I skip forward. So does track 2. Skip forward. And again. And again. Blood drips onto the carpet.
Ah, is this not sadness?
After many years absence, I run into an old female friend who I remember as charming, witty and devastatingly attractive. She has aged more than I have, the corners of her mouth turning downwards, and has become bitter and narrow minded. The past image I have of her disappears forever from my mind in an instant.
Ah, is this not sadness?
A foul and offensive politician garners great popular support by appealing the basest instincts of the electorate.
Ah, is this not sadness?
I am desperately hungry and stop at a motorway service station, where I am forced through lack of choice to choose a curled sandwich in a triangular plastic box. I queue for ages, sweating in the overly heated room, before heading out into the rain. I sit in my car quietly and rip open the sandwich, before realising that it was made by a company whose disgusting hygiene was exposed last night on a television documentary. The windscreen has steamed up and my heater doesn’t work.
Ah, is this not sadness?
David Allison
An empty hairdressers on a suburban street corner, with a sign in the window that says, ‘appointments are not always necessary.’
Ah is this not sadness?
Emily
I open the local paper to see my first true love, for whom I still hold a torch, has married an indescribable fool. The realisation dawns that now my hopes of rekindling our love have evaporated like a summer shower. And yet I know I will always dream in vain. Ah is this not sadness?
The local pub is bought out and redecorated, with the new multinational brewery removing any semblance of individuality, personality and soul. They even remove my bar stool, the one with my name crudely scratched into the backrest. And now I must search in vain for a new local. Ah is this not sadness?
Tim Boxall
You take your lovely new girlfriend away for the first time to a romantic destination filled with promise. Over the weekend she casually mentions having been before with an ex-boyfriend, staying at the more expensive hotel up the road. Ah, is this not sadness?
Alasdair
On the cusp of asking a girl you admire for a date, she announces that a mutual acquaintance you detest is taking her for dinner – and she has always quite liked him. Ah, is this not sadness?
Someone has failed to collect their change from the cavity in the parking meter. You benefit from their mistake, then hours later drive past a homeless man vainly checking other meters. Ah, is this not sadness?
A friend’s child who has idolised you in their formative years grows up and is indifferent to you. Ah, is this not sadness?
Production ceases on a sweet you remember fondly as a child. Ah, is this not sadness?
You grudgingly attend an elderly relative’s function and leave at the earliest opportunity. As she helps you with your coat she states how glad she is you that you made it and hopes she hasn’t inconvenienced you. Ah, is this not sadness?
Browsing the shelves of a secondhand bookstore you happen upon a volume you inscribed for an ex-partner’s birthday. Ah, is this not sadness?
A famous person you admire reveals a detestable political affiliation. Ah, is this not sadness?
Building commences on football fields you played on as a child. Ah, is this not sadness?
You encounter a friend you haven’t seen for years and suggest you now keep in touch. They sidestep the issue and you part soon after. Ah, is this not sadness?
You enjoy a wildlife programme, then learn that the animal featured has since become extinct. Ah, is this not sadness?
Carlo Zanotti
Lu Tiancheng was another playwright in 17th century China. It is suspected he was envious of Chin Shengt’an and might have found his view on happiness entirely against his taste.
In tribute to Lu we present 20 of his sad moments and ask for further contributions.
1 I have spent the early morning writing a thoughtful letter and I finish with a flourish of my brush. I leave the paper by the window to dry. A gust of illiterate wind gushes into the room and knocks the letter to the floor smudging my words with dust. I discover this late in the afternoon after the sun has set and I have to recollect my thoughts. But there is surely something I am forgetting. Ah is this not sadness?
2 The sun has shone for a week and today is the day my daughter will come to walk with me by the river. All morning the sky rains down with the anguish and fury of a first love lost. We stay inside and bicker over tiny things. Ah is this not sadness?
3 A pretty child looks at me with open eyes that offer hope for the future and then issues a series of cusses that would embarrass a harbourmaster. Ah is this not sadness?
4 I use my broom to knock the cat from the roof and inadvertantly dislodge a tile. The tiler explains he cannot replace just that tile but must make me a new roof. The cat sleeps on its sill across the way, arrogantly ignoring my financial plight. Ah is this not sadness?
5 A man whose work I loathe but whose power I covet, opens a new play. I tell him it is wonderful, knowing it to be appalling. He thanks me for my kindness and forgets my name when introducing me to his lackeys. I ignore the slight but later overhear him mocking me and my work. Ah is this not sadness?
6 I am eating with loud, drunk, bigotted acquaintances and it is my turn to pay for the bill. All night I am stricken with trapped wind and I wish I had left sooner and paid less. Ah is this not sadness?
7 A pretty young woman has a beautiful dog. I ask if I can pet it. She smiles like the warm spring sun and says yes. The dog bites me and draws blood. I say it is nothing but in my eyes as she walks away are tears of agony and my blood stains my silk cuff. Ah is this not sadness?
8 The couple in the building opposite are blessed with a baby. All the neighbourhood is delighted for them �� they have had twelve childless years of marriage. The baby cries all night and all day and all night and all day and all night and all day. The mood of the neighbourhood changes. Twelve years of peace does not feel like long enough. Ah is this not sadness?
9 A cut on one’s lip that never heals all winter. Ah is this not sadness?
10 I remember how my hands look when I was a young boy. I remember as a youth how I would throw and catch with them, pull in fish and swim across rivers with them. As a young man how I would hold the pretty faces of my lovers in them. As a new father how I would stroke the hair of my daughter. Now I am old and they ache in the morning and are wrinkled and shake with tiredness in the evening. Ah is this not sadness?
11 I am reminded of a lie I told many years ago. It was trivial but it explains why a previous girlfriend left me and my best friend deserted me. Should I have that time again, the lie would never pass my lips. Ah is this not sadness?
12 A politician I had favoured dies young. Ah is this not sadness?
13 I notice a flake of paint in the glass of water I pour for the wife of my patron. She says nothing but quietly takes the flake of paint off her tongue. She takes no more sips of the water and my patron never commissions a play from me again. Ah is this not sadness?
14 A traveller makes his way back to his hometown. When he is one day away from the gates, he shaves his head as that was the style when he left. As he enters the town he notices how long everyone wears his hair now and he feels like a stranger again. Ah is this not sadness?
15 A pretty girl smiles and her teeth resemble a ruined castle’s walls. Ah is this not sadness?
16 The sewers have overflowed in the rain and the town smells as if the underworld’s residents are walking our streets, invisible to us, but for all of us to smell. Even a week later, the mud of the streets still stink, especially when the otherwise welcome sunshine warms them. Ah is this not sadness?
17 I allow a stooping relative of the bride and groom ahead of me in the line for presenting our gifts. I then notice he has exactly the same gift as me. I imagine the couple’s faces as they thank me for my gift when it is something they already have. Ah is this not sadness?
18 When the last leaf of Autumn has fallen and the last bird has flown South I shiver. Ah is this not sadness?
19 I am lost in a strange town and the only people to ask for directions to my destination is a group of gambling young men. I recall how unhelpful I would have been to a stranger at their age, but I ask them anyway. They look at the address I need and explain fully how I can arrive there. They even draw a map. As I walk away they laugh loudly and return to their game. I walk for an hour or more, following their suggestions until I decide I am even more lost. I ask a passing monk who says he knows the place I seek and I should walk with him. Eventually I arrive at the place, two streets away from the spot I had asked the deliberately misleading youths. But they are gone from their stoop, joking no doubt about the old man they sent miles out of his way. Ah is this not sadness?
20 My friend sees a shooting star which I miss. I wait for ten minutes to see one and then turn away. Oh there was another, he says. Ah is this not sadness?
Your nominations:
To wear a new item of light coloured clothing out to a bar and have some jerk spill Guinness down it.
Ah is this not sadness?
The breaking of packing tape on the bottom of a box when you are moving CDs. They fall onto the pavement, clipping shards off the fronts so they will never close right again.
Ah is this not sadness?
I am eyeing up this really cute girl at a party all night but don’t have the courage to talk to her. Then I watch as she agrees to share a taxi with another guy.
Ah is this not sadness?
You need to shave but there is only a blunt razor left in the pack. You risk it but cut yourself so badly and so regularly you appear to be an unsuccessful Prussian fencing student. Blood measles your white collar and the boss you felt you had to impress is unshaven anyway. Ah is this not sadness?
A slip beside a swimming pool. Coccyx bruised. Small children laughing. I cry underwater and my eyes sting as if I am swimming through onion juice.
Ah is this not sadness?
BEN MOOR uncovers an alternative to Chin’s Happy Moments. New nominations appear at the top, for Ben’s see below.
Sitting in the garden, idling, and noticing a Robin on the fence, I go inside and fetch some bread, over many weeks, nay, months. After quietly coaxing the small bird, the Robin comes to my feet for me to feed, and from therin follows me around the garden. He’s my Robin.
Then after having gone away for the weekend, I come back to find our cat stood at the front door awaiting our return, with my dismembered Robin in its mouth. Ah is this not sadness?
Andy S
Anticipating eagerly some time away from a dead-end, soul destroying job only to spend your holiday time feeling that you should be more gainfully occupied. Ah, is this not sadness?
Lee Farley
You’re having an unusually fulfilling conversation with someone you’ve just met. You seem to agree on everything. ‘You make them smile. You feel clever and charming . Your heart is lifted. Then you see them behaving in exactly the same way with someone else on the other side of the room. Ah, is this not sadness?
Lenny
I run my fingernail down the inside of the CD case in my haste to open it and listen to its unknown musical contents. I push the fingernail too far down the crevice and it starts to bleed. My fingernail turns red and starts to faintly throb. I return to the task and break one of the legs of the CD case. I put the CD into the player and press play. The song sounds bland and samey. I skip forward. So does track 2. Skip forward. And again. And again. Blood drips onto the carpet.
Ah, is this not sadness?
After many years absence, I run into an old female friend who I remember as charming, witty and devastatingly attractive. She has aged more than I have, the corners of her mouth turning downwards, and has become bitter and narrow minded. The past image I have of her disappears forever from my mind in an instant.
Ah, is this not sadness?
A foul and offensive politician garners great popular support by appealing the basest instincts of the electorate.
Ah, is this not sadness?
I am desperately hungry and stop at a motorway service station, where I am forced through lack of choice to choose a curled sandwich in a triangular plastic box. I queue for ages, sweating in the overly heated room, before heading out into the rain. I sit in my car quietly and rip open the sandwich, before realising that it was made by a company whose disgusting hygiene was exposed last night on a television documentary. The windscreen has steamed up and my heater doesn’t work.
Ah, is this not sadness?
David Allison
An empty hairdressers on a suburban street corner, with a sign in the window that says, ‘appointments are not always necessary.’
Ah is this not sadness?
Emily
I open the local paper to see my first true love, for whom I still hold a torch, has married an indescribable fool. The realisation dawns that now my hopes of rekindling our love have evaporated like a summer shower. And yet I know I will always dream in vain. Ah is this not sadness?
The local pub is bought out and redecorated, with the new multinational brewery removing any semblance of individuality, personality and soul. They even remove my bar stool, the one with my name crudely scratched into the backrest. And now I must search in vain for a new local. Ah is this not sadness?
Tim Boxall
You take your lovely new girlfriend away for the first time to a romantic destination filled with promise. Over the weekend she casually mentions having been before with an ex-boyfriend, staying at the more expensive hotel up the road. Ah, is this not sadness?
Alasdair
On the cusp of asking a girl you admire for a date, she announces that a mutual acquaintance you detest is taking her for dinner – and she has always quite liked him. Ah, is this not sadness?
Someone has failed to collect their change from the cavity in the parking meter. You benefit from their mistake, then hours later drive past a homeless man vainly checking other meters. Ah, is this not sadness?
A friend’s child who has idolised you in their formative years grows up and is indifferent to you. Ah, is this not sadness?
Production ceases on a sweet you remember fondly as a child. Ah, is this not sadness?
You grudgingly attend an elderly relative’s function and leave at the earliest opportunity. As she helps you with your coat she states how glad she is you that you made it and hopes she hasn’t inconvenienced you. Ah, is this not sadness?
Browsing the shelves of a secondhand bookstore you happen upon a volume you inscribed for an ex-partner’s birthday. Ah, is this not sadness?
A famous person you admire reveals a detestable political affiliation. Ah, is this not sadness?
Building commences on football fields you played on as a child. Ah, is this not sadness?
You encounter a friend you haven’t seen for years and suggest you now keep in touch. They sidestep the issue and you part soon after. Ah, is this not sadness?
You enjoy a wildlife programme, then learn that the animal featured has since become extinct. Ah, is this not sadness?
Carlo Zanotti
Lu Tiancheng was another playwright in 17th century China. It is suspected he was envious of Chin Shengt’an and might have found his view on happiness entirely against his taste.
In tribute to Lu we present 20 of his sad moments and ask for further contributions.
1 I have spent the early morning writing a thoughtful letter and I finish with a flourish of my brush. I leave the paper by the window to dry. A gust of illiterate wind gushes into the room and knocks the letter to the floor smudging my words with dust. I discover this late in the afternoon after the sun has set and I have to recollect my thoughts. But there is surely something I am forgetting. Ah is this not sadness?
2 The sun has shone for a week and today is the day my daughter will come to walk with me by the river. All morning the sky rains down with the anguish and fury of a first love lost. We stay inside and bicker over tiny things. Ah is this not sadness?
3 A pretty child looks at me with open eyes that offer hope for the future and then issues a series of cusses that would embarrass a harbourmaster. Ah is this not sadness?
4 I use my broom to knock the cat from the roof and inadvertantly dislodge a tile. The tiler explains he cannot replace just that tile but must make me a new roof. The cat sleeps on its sill across the way, arrogantly ignoring my financial plight. Ah is this not sadness?
5 A man whose work I loathe but whose power I covet, opens a new play. I tell him it is wonderful, knowing it to be appalling. He thanks me for my kindness and forgets my name when introducing me to his lackeys. I ignore the slight but later overhear him mocking me and my work. Ah is this not sadness?
6 I am eating with loud, drunk, bigotted acquaintances and it is my turn to pay for the bill. All night I am stricken with trapped wind and I wish I had left sooner and paid less. Ah is this not sadness?
7 A pretty young woman has a beautiful dog. I ask if I can pet it. She smiles like the warm spring sun and says yes. The dog bites me and draws blood. I say it is nothing but in my eyes as she walks away are tears of agony and my blood stains my silk cuff. Ah is this not sadness?
8 The couple in the building opposite are blessed with a baby. All the neighbourhood is delighted for them �� they have had twelve childless years of marriage. The baby cries all night and all day and all night and all day and all night and all day. The mood of the neighbourhood changes. Twelve years of peace does not feel like long enough. Ah is this not sadness?
9 A cut on one’s lip that never heals all winter. Ah is this not sadness?
10 I remember how my hands look when I was a young boy. I remember as a youth how I would throw and catch with them, pull in fish and swim across rivers with them. As a young man how I would hold the pretty faces of my lovers in them. As a new father how I would stroke the hair of my daughter. Now I am old and they ache in the morning and are wrinkled and shake with tiredness in the evening. Ah is this not sadness?
11 I am reminded of a lie I told many years ago. It was trivial but it explains why a previous girlfriend left me and my best friend deserted me. Should I have that time again, the lie would never pass my lips. Ah is this not sadness?
12 A politician I had favoured dies young. Ah is this not sadness?
13 I notice a flake of paint in the glass of water I pour for the wife of my patron. She says nothing but quietly takes the flake of paint off her tongue. She takes no more sips of the water and my patron never commissions a play from me again. Ah is this not sadness?
14 A traveller makes his way back to his hometown. When he is one day away from the gates, he shaves his head as that was the style when he left. As he enters the town he notices how long everyone wears his hair now and he feels like a stranger again. Ah is this not sadness?
15 A pretty girl smiles and her teeth resemble a ruined castle’s walls. Ah is this not sadness?
16 The sewers have overflowed in the rain and the town smells as if the underworld’s residents are walking our streets, invisible to us, but for all of us to smell. Even a week later, the mud of the streets still stink, especially when the otherwise welcome sunshine warms them. Ah is this not sadness?
17 I allow a stooping relative of the bride and groom ahead of me in the line for presenting our gifts. I then notice he has exactly the same gift as me. I imagine the couple’s faces as they thank me for my gift when it is something they already have. Ah is this not sadness?
18 When the last leaf of Autumn has fallen and the last bird has flown South I shiver. Ah is this not sadness?
19 I am lost in a strange town and the only people to ask for directions to my destination is a group of gambling young men. I recall how unhelpful I would have been to a stranger at their age, but I ask them anyway. They look at the address I need and explain fully how I can arrive there. They even draw a map. As I walk away they laugh loudly and return to their game. I walk for an hour or more, following their suggestions until I decide I am even more lost. I ask a passing monk who says he knows the place I seek and I should walk with him. Eventually I arrive at the place, two streets away from the spot I had asked the deliberately misleading youths. But they are gone from their stoop, joking no doubt about the old man they sent miles out of his way. Ah is this not sadness?
20 My friend sees a shooting star which I miss. I wait for ten minutes to see one and then turn away. Oh there was another, he says. Ah is this not sadness?
Your nominations:
To wear a new item of light coloured clothing out to a bar and have some jerk spill Guinness down it.
Ah is this not sadness?
The breaking of packing tape on the bottom of a box when you are moving CDs. They fall onto the pavement, clipping shards off the fronts so they will never close right again.
Ah is this not sadness?
I am eyeing up this really cute girl at a party all night but don’t have the courage to talk to her. Then I watch as she agrees to share a taxi with another guy.
Ah is this not sadness?
You need to shave but there is only a blunt razor left in the pack. You risk it but cut yourself so badly and so regularly you appear to be an unsuccessful Prussian fencing student. Blood measles your white collar and the boss you felt you had to impress is unshaven anyway. Ah is this not sadness?
A slip beside a swimming pool. Coccyx bruised. Small children laughing. I cry underwater and my eyes sting as if I am swimming through onion juice.
Ah is this not sadness?
"The philosophers of antiquity taught contempt for work, that degradation of the free man, the poets sang of idleness, that gift from the Gods."