Comments on: Enter our writing competition!

By: Philip Watson

Philip Watson — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 01:47:54 +0000

Carp.

I can watch carp endlessly. They are gentle and perfect. Like wind through long grass but better, because of their human quality.

Unlike it’s unhappy cousins the pike, shark or trout, the carp is not furtive and it is never busy. The carp is lazy, sociable and prone to getting fat. Just like us.

It’s impossible to say if they have feelings but they congregate together, in the manner of creatures that love each other.

Sit down, be quiet, and observe the perfection of an existence dedicated to contentment.

Oh, to be a carp!

By: Greg White

Greg White — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 01:10:06 +0000

The James Bond chord.

Equipment required: One six-string acoustic guitar (tuned).

Two hands (having four fingers each).

Procedure:
1. place hand on fretboard in pattern known as Emajmin7 (the james bond chord).

2. Appear suddenly around a corner, to attract someone’s attention, making sure to keep only your head visible around the corner – this is crucial – the guiter hidden.

3. Strum the chord slowly, but not so slowly that the notes sound entirely separate.

4. Giggle.

Free and easy amusement.

By: steve-o

steve-o — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 20:47:29 +0000

A day at the beach! Should be from sun-up till sundown, esp.sundown! Read a book, take a nap , a dip or three, frequent short walks, listen to the sound of the waves lapping the shore—ah, so sweet! Repeat as often as possible during all the seasons. Share with friends. Aloha!

By: Mich O' Phull

Mich O' Phull — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 16:02:59 +0000

Thank heavens for the common sense that is The Idler. I haven’t worked full-time since 1983 and now only work 14 hours per week.

One of life’s great pleasures is to go up to bed at approx 2pm and get a couple of hours extra sleep in the afternoon.

Be idle. Be proud.

By: tom

tom — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 12:11:03 +0000

making a boat in the shed, a boat for one person, in the style of Ratty from Wind in the Willows. you start by sitting on the shed floor and dreaming about how your boat will be and all the little bits it will have. and then you can draw the outside of it with chalk, with you siting in it. then you have to get a large cardboard box (from a new fridge) and begin to cut and tape it into a boat shape. there follows endless afternoons of pleasure to ever so slowly finish it off. pack out the inside with bits of styrene foam, coat the hull with something to keep out the water, make a mast from a broken broomhandle and a sail from an old sheet. eventually you may take your little boat to a lake and see if it floats. and sails. and return home to make it better with new bits. i haven’t made my boat yet, but i’ve made lots of drawings about how it will be and all the bits. the anticipation is wonderful. i will start it soon (i have the chalk and the box ready) and i feel that when i do, that i will have truly entered idler nirvana. ‘simply mucking about in boats’ as Ratty would say , is the greatest pleasure, and making them and dreaming about them too.

By: Patrick

Patrick — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 04:58:25 +0000

The most lazily exquisite of idle pleasures must be to rise late in the morning and gently meander towards the nearest purveyor of good coffee and comfortable seating, and there to pass the remainder of the morning over at least three double espressos and innumerable cigarettes.

Idly considering the opinions of the vociferous columnists, lazily switching one’s attention from the papers to slow contemplation of the smoke ascending from the tip, all the while appearing to be inwardly wrestling with the deepest of inner thoughts or metaphysical cunundri, lest the busybodies all around should suspect your guilty secret – that you’re enjoying yourself far more doing nothing than you would be if you were doing anything else at all – the lazy cafe breakfast is the perfect form of a perfect pleasure.

By: Brent the American Lad

Brent the American Lad — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 01:06:49 +0000

Seeing spring one more time. So excellent!

By: Jo

Jo — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 12:43:46 +0000

Watching, out of the corner of my eye, as my husband pulls out his nasal hair is a strangely satisfying experience. Grounding yet voyeuristic and very relaxing…my mother picking at a scab on her leg has almost the same effect, although she doesn’t do this anymore (I think the scab eventually healed).

Anyone using my rubber, pen, pencil has always given me a tingly feeling. Is that weird?

By: Bert

Bert — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 13:27:00 +0000

Watching a rubbish cricket match.
There is little that is so relaxing as spending a few hours at a local park, watching a group of unathletic boys and men (and sometimes, delightfully, the odd woman) perform their particular version of the beautiful ritual that is cricket. Odd body shapes unfurl, trot, leap and swing around a bobbly arena. Absurdist, contorted bowling actions never fail to amuse; wides and no-balls are commonplace. Fielding is invariably atrocious – dropped catches by the dozen, balls dribbling through legs to reach the boundary. Batting is mainly unorthodox – baseball swipes and uncoordinated tweaks. All utterly mediocre – but everyone is having such fun that one cannot help but relax and smile.

By: Ian

Ian — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 17:56:09 +0000

I do enjoy a good biscuit.