Let the Family Go Barefoot
I’ve often thought that the life of an idle parent would be immeasurably improved if socks didn’t exist. Socks sow discord and spread consternation. Every family has sock problems. “Where are my socks? How come I never have any socks?” asks Dad. The harried parent will look at its child’s feet for the fifth time that morning and see that they are still sockless. “How many times have I told you? Put your socks on!” he or she will scream.
Sometimes I give up and let them wander to the car sockless, or just jam wellies on their feet and hope that no other parent notices. I’d like to send them to school without socks but I think the child really would look too heart-breakingly neglected, with nothing in between its cherished feet and its Clark’s Mutronix. (Whatever happened to shoelaces, by the way? But that’s another story.)
Now, these sock problems are not, as we tell ourselves, our fault, for being disorganised, chaotic and generally useless, but are actually the fault of the sock. The sock is simply a bad idea. Wherever it goes it brings sorrow and bad vibes.
The medieval solution was not to have socks at all but tights, which were a cross between socks and trousers. The bottom area was covered by a tunic and on the feet you could wear long pointy shoes. This seems an excellent scheme because there would be no socks to get lost. It would be difficult to lose the tights because of their large size. It is the small size of sock that causes the problems.
The other great problem with socks is that they separate so easily. Finding the twin causes the idle parent a huge amount of unncessary work, prompting many of us to give up completely on the idea of pairs as one step too many towards perfection. Odd socks surely are not a great evil in the overall scheme of things. I more or less gave up on pairs years ago.
I’ve never seen a sign of a sock in depictions of Roman life. They seemed to wear sandals with bare feet. They were hardy. The more you think about it, the more it becomes clear that socks are the sign of a sissy culture. They are rather pathetic and unmanly, not to mention, as is well known, extremely ugly: nothing more ridiculous than a man naked apart from his socks. Did the Chinese sages wear socks? No. Did the Egyptians wear socks? No.
I looked up the sock historians. They tell us that the modern sock had its birth in the Elizabethan period, when the whole idea of knitted woollen socks was promoted as an employment scheme for the poor and indolent, something to keep them away from being too idle. Yes, I knew it! The sock by its nature is anti-idle. It’s just a way of keeping people busy, whether in its manufacture or in its everyday management. The Elizabethans were notoriously anti-idle, always starting up Houses of Correction and forcing people to work against their will.
But just imagine the time savings that would be made in a world without socks, and all the carousing, fencing, dancing and singing that could more enjoyably fill those hours that are currently lost to the evil sock.
I think it would also be sensible for the idle parent to let the children wander around sockless. This would toughen up their feet and accustom them to extremes of temperature. The barefoot child is a happy child. To be seen barefoot in the street would no longer be a sign of neglect. It would be a sign of the parent’s most assiduous care for the welfare of the child.
John Locke, writing about children’s feet in 1693, advises parents to give their children leaky shoes in order to toughen them up, so that like poor people, they “come to be so reconciled by custom to wet in their feet that they take no more cold or harm by it than if they are wet in the hands.” Locke reminds us that Seneca the Stoic used to bathe in cold spring water in the depths of winter.
Yes, the idle parent is a harsh parent. Socks make toil. Socks are for wimps. Save money. Save time. Save marriages. Make your children strong. Ban the sock!
I’ve always wondered why socks just “didn’t seem quite right”. I hate the feeling when they bunch up at the toes and you’re caught in a situation where you can’t pull them up. That explains everything!
Funnily enough my children always take their socks off as soon as they get in but I like them because I hate stubbing my toes! They also take them off the minute they get in the car so there are usually a few floating about in there. The welly jam scenario comes in useful on many an occasion and don’t know what we would do without them!
The only way to manage socks is to find a style and colour you like and buy lots of them which cuts out the odd sock problem.
I have to say, I can not agree with you in 100%, but that’s just my opinion, which could be wrong.
p.s. You have a very good template for your blog. Where have you got it from?
Arrgghh! I hate socks! Always have this palaver in the morning when my six year old son is getting ready (apparently) for school – can never find a pair that match/fit/don’t have holes in them – I say banish socks from the school ‘uniform’ – so we don’t have this misery to contend with in the mornings..less is more – I love flipflops – just on with em and go – you can even wash em in the bath and your feet feel FREE!
This article is completely fabulous! it has made me chuckle aloud! Love it, so true, what a wonderful concept everything on this site is funny and beautiful! x
Don’t they have chillblains in the UK any more. Our kids have always taken off socks and shoes as soon as they got into the car and if not that, the house. Our son only has blue socks, so easy to get a pair and our daughter does not like matched socks, so easy.
Barefeet is much better in a warm climate. One of the great things about living in Australia is regular trips out with no shoes on. For me and the kids.
But I love socks…and think we should all wear odd ones. No need for pairs ever again.
There is much wisdom here.
My daughter Alice has taken to knitting socks and it has made harsh, tyrannical inroads into her idleness – why, in Advent her life was almost ruined trying to get her sisters’ socks completed in secret by Christmas Eve! And, what’s more, now she has a waiting list.
Idleness socked into touch by a superabundance of wool. Tsk!
Let that be a lesson to us all.
I love this idea. I am always barefoot and when ever possible my children are too. As soon as it is warm we are barefoot or in sandles. My husband deplores this. The first thinkg he does is to but shoes and socks on and they stay on all day!!
http://kutgw.greatnow.com kutgw
http://www.kaboodle.com/myfreecar myfreecar
Excellent site. It was pleasant to me.
, , cheap , , online ,
In New Zealand socks must surely be illegal. Footwear is never worn! Even walking down city streets there’s a pile of people walking around with no socks or shoes – adults and kids. Must be a cultural thing. Perversely, despite this I bought a pair of socks in NZ with a 3 year “no holes” guarantee. That was 5 years ago and they are still functional and hole-less. I live in Scotland. It really is too cold for no socks.
Howdy I stumbled upon your site a couple of and have ploughed through all the info steadily. I decided should make my firstcomment. Unsure of what to say but here goes. Cool website. Will call back in a while to hear what else youd like to offer.