The Idler

I am sure he is a lovely man. God help him if he entered into business with me, though.

I get at least one of these a week  :?

Did you read about the guy who said to these people that he would be happy to help if they would join his bizarre made-up religions? They all sent him photographs wearing whatever oddities he had requested......one man had a fish on his head from what I can remember. Very amusing.
And then there was the case of Danny Wallace in his book 'Yes Man'. He replied to one of these emails and they asked him to fly out to Holland with £1000 for 'admin costs'. Which he duly did, but they never met him - I guess no one had ever gone that far before and they didn't know what to do!

From  Baron Verkmann
Aigle Switzerland

E-mail (Baronverkmann@idlebastards.com )

My Dear Mong
 
  Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your name and contact through site . I pissed over it and selected your name among other names due to its unwelcomming nature and the recommendations given to me by Mr Wallace as a trust worthy person that I can do business with and by the recommendation , I must  not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business .

I am Baron Verkmann the only child of late Baron and Baroness Shitenhouzen. My father was a very wealthy Gold digger in Torquay , the economic capital of Cornwall, my father was drilled up the arse by his business associates on one of their outings and copped it.

My mother died when I was caught in a sleazy joint inflegrato with an unknown species from the lab of Dr Mengele.

Before the death of my father on october 2004 in a private hospital just off the M1 near Watford. He secretly called me a lazy bastard, on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars. USD ($10,500.000.00) left in fixed / suspense account in one of the prime banks in Switzerland, that he used my name as his only child for the next of Kin in depositing of the fund. He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he had a bulge in his wallet.


That incase he die I should move out of the country down to Switzerland  where he made the deposit to seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where i will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose after my education such as Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll.

Dear Mr Knob Head, I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways:
(1) To provide a bank account into which this money would be transferred to .
(2) To serve as a good buddy of this fund since I am only 40 years old.
(3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit in your country.


Moreover, Dear Mongy, I am willing to offer you 75% of the total sum as compensation for putting up with me.

Furthermore, you indicate your options towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within Seven (7) days you signify interest to assist me.

Anticipating to hear from you soon.

Thanks and God bless.
Best regards,
Baron Verkmann.

That seems a bit well written to be from an african spam hopeful? The usual fishing mails I tend to get are littered with abysmal english and completely out of the question requests for bank details?

I get them on my myspace more than in my email inbox these days.  I think they're trying out new ways of spamming.  There surely can't be a person in this country who would still fall for them, tho.

There is of course much fun to be had in baiting these scammers...
And of course for our amusement people have put this on the internet!

http://www.419eater.com/html/letters.htm

Ye Gods Dearest Mong! The African email thingy is funny..I'll happily send him my details for business...this American Dave chappy sounds frightening! Is he one of Mr.Motivator's gang? Or is he a cyber hitman for the bevvy of bores gunning for jokesters? Pah! You and I will be locking horns yankee boy when I'm back on air (currently in the library)

I do not dialogue with masturbating critters.

how do you avoid them in the world of business?

is this legal, Dave?

I'd love to read that book..... pity I'll never get around to it. Still, maybe they'll make a film of the 'Yes Man'. He sounds like a hoot...... (I may be able to stretch my attention span to just over an hour).

I have a copy somewhere if you want it mong, i'm one of his joinees.

Good lord! I love a good book, anytime i don't want to socialise i reach for a book. Nobody talks to you when your reading a book. A book is my armour.

Unless i was a soldier, then it would be a kevlar vest.

Automated message from Mong: Yet another one popped through my mailbox today. Wish I knew what they were on about, but I can't be arsed reading it ..... enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH  AFRICA
URGENT RESPONSE FOR BUSINESS TRANSACTION.


ATTN: SIR/MADAM,


My name is James Ntini, the first son of  late Paul Ntini. I will be 19years
old on the 15th December 2007; my father P.C. Ntini is a great farmer in
Zimbabwe.  It might be a surprise for you to receive this letter from me and
most especially where I got your contact address.  I got your contact
information from Global Trade Agent under the South African Chamber of
Commerce and Industrial in Pretoria.

During the current crisis against the farmers in Zimbabwe by the supporters
of President Robert Mugabe to claim all white owned farms in the country, he
ordered all white farmers to surrender their farms to his party members and
his supporters, my father was one of the white farmers
and opposed the president actions towards the white farms.

My father was at the same time killed on the process of fighting back the
invaders.  After two months I lost my mother and the president gave order to
confiscate all our properties including the farmland.  After the incident,
my younger brother and I decided to move out of Zimbabwe
to South Africa for the safety of our lives.

My late father told me on his bedside about a finance company, in which all
the relevant ocuments (depository agreement) was handed over to me by him to
go ahead and transfer this money out of the country for investment.

The total amount is US$14.2million (fourteen million two hundred thousand
United States Dollars) was lodged into the security company in a metal box
and the contained box was not made known to the security company, rather it
was declared to them as gold and precious metals.

Due to our president status in South Africa and the nature by which we
entered South Africa we do not reserve the right to operate or maintain a
foreign dominated account as refugees.  For your kindness I agree to give
you 30%, 10% is set aside for expenses incur during the process of this
transaction.Please I need your advice as an elderly person. Please contact
me with this e-mail address.

Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged,
give me your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective
communication and location where in the money will be remitted.  This
transaction is 100% risk free.

I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.

Yours Faithful,
James Ntini,