The Idler

The Wit and Wisdom of W.C. Fields

THE WIT AND WISDOM OF WC FIELDS

Taken from Idler 27, the Fool issue
By DAN KIERAN

No Idler devoted to the fool would be complete without some reference to WC Fields, the original cranky old man. A bulbous-nosed, self-obsessed alcoholic who hated pretty much everything except drinking, he was a true eccentric and an unknown quantity in a time of Puritanism in the burgeoning American film industry. He was a breath of fresh air, and a stink bomb at the same time, almost uniquely finding huge success both on the Vaudeville stages of antebellum America and the cinema screens of the early 1900s.

At the time Fields received better reviews than many of his contemporaries, including Chaplin, the Marx Brothers and Buster Keaton but he was to be forever over-shadowed by his arch nemesis Houdini, whose successes always seemed to out do his own, and who ultimately stole his place in history as the greatest entertainer of his generation.

A comic genius and juggler extraordinaire, John Cleese heralds him as “the greatest of all comics” and although many of his early films have been lost forever, he did succeed in leaving his own special brand of wisdom. Here are some of the best examples;

FIELDSIAN PHILOSOPHIES

On the whole, I would rather be in Philadelphia
Epitalph

I was in love wirth a beautiful blonde once, she drove me to drink. It’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for…
From Never Give A Sucker An Even Break 1941

Sleep…the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
My Little Chickadee, 1940

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.
WC: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?
From Never Give A Sucker An Even Break 1941

When asked to give money to charity, Fields gave this excuse for refusing:
WC: You see, I’m a member of the FEBF
Man: The what?
WC: Fuck everybody but Fields

On reading the Bible:
I admit I scanned it once, searching for some movie plots (but found) only a pack of wild lies.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I was married once - in San Franciso. I havent’t seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There’s no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren’t all bad.

Man to WC: You’re drunk!
WC: Yeah, and you’re crazy. And I’ll be sober tomorrow and you’ll be crazy for the rest of your life.
It’s A Gift, 1934

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.
WC: A man who’s intoxicated all the time doesn’t need sympathy.

It’s a funny old world - a man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
You’re Telling Me, 1934

When asked why he never drank water:
Fish Fuck in it.

Invited to play golf by someone he didn’t like, Fields responded:
When I want to play with a prick. I’ll play with my own.

WC Fields in Four Classic Comedy Shorts including; The Dentist, The Barber Shop, The Fatal Glass of Beer and The Golf Specialist is available on video priced £11.99