The Idler

Secret Crap Job

I had to Sign the Official Secrets Act and everything, so lets keep this between us, okay?

I work for the police, in their vetting unit.

We run background checks on anyone who will have anykind of “Unsupervised access to children”. Doctors, nurses, teachers, dinner ladies, couples hoping to adopt or foster, etc.

We perform checks on them using ‘Intelligence Computer Systems’. Because we are dealing with peoples’ personal details, there can be absolutely no margin for error. Double checking all the forms that you’ve spent three hour’s inputting is soul destroying.

Plus, I’m finding out all the different ways people abuse rape and hurt each other five days a week.

For the most part, the people I work with are okay, except the line managers, who’re corrupt lazy bullies, and the head manager, who is a socially retarded old bat who keeps trying to be ‘Down with the Kids’. A good recent example;

“Oh yeah, Travis, they’re a great band they are, they’re really good, and Starsailor…”

It all got to much for me a few weeks back, in the canteen, when I realised I was sitting opposite the copper who used to give me and my mates shit about skateboarding when I was 15. Terrifying.

Raoul