Yeovil
Yeovil might well have been a fairly nice town at some point – but I’m only basing this on the fact that its got a church. The rest has been decimated by a red brick shopping centre and various out-of-town superstores. James Garland
Yatton
Yatton is near Bristol, off the A370 on the way to Weston-Super-Mare (which is itself bound to feature on the crapmap sooner or later). In Yatton, the bones of children do not grow properly. A typical teenager will appear to have rickets and something odd about the skull. Often the dome of the head will [...]
Yarm
Highlight: The Flighty Cod chip shop Lowlight: Waiting to get served in the Black Bull and then tasting the beer afterwards. Yarm is the worst sort of town: a whited sepulchre. Superficially, it appears an attractive market town in the industrial wasteland of Teesside. However, spending any amount of time there one will discover that [...]
Wrexham
Alumni: Tim Vincent, Half of Mansun. Amenities: Football club, pound shops. Wrexham is the proud owner of a football club, and nothing else whatsoever, since the brewery closed- it produced Wrexham Lager, “The ONLY Welsh lager”, which, unsurprisingly, was not popular in the country of Cery’s Matthew’s birth because it was only about 3% ABV. [...]
Wolverhampton
The most attractive thing about Wolverhampton was the multi-story car park on School Street, the roof level of which used to offer attractive rural vistas of Staffordshire, Shropshire and the Wrekin. However, the council knocked it down in the 90s. Now its most attractive feature is an orbital dual carriageway so impossibly difficult to negotiate [...]
Woking
Famous residents: Shakin’ Stevens Everybody says: “I ain’t being funny or nuffin’” Amenities: A pond Entertainment: An old man with Alien Hand Syndrome The first thing you will notice when you leave Woking train station is a sign which reads – ‘Welcome to Woking, Home to All-Weather Shopping’. You will then confronted by an underground [...]
Witney
Witney is supposedly famous for its manufacture of blankets, which may still go on, and Douglas Hurd was and may still be the local MP. You can imagine for yourself how exciting it is to spend time there. I fucking hate the place. Tim Wild
Withernsea
It started off as a spar town in the turn of the century, but the demolition of the railway service has left it a shabby deprived shell. If you have seventeen screaming kids, tattoos on your face and neck, a slot machine addiction and love crap food, come to Withernsea, you’ll love it! Lisa THEY [...]
Winchester
Sure it’s pretty and historic, but it’s hardly the bastion of civility many would have you believe. Any character disappeared from the town centre when the high street received the chain store make-over, house-prices are exorbitant and cater exclusively for well-heeled London-employed family-builders seeking old England, and the countryside has been hewn by Maggie’s M3 [...]
Wigan
It’s a great place if you have a penchant for baby’s head and peas (meat pudding and peas), barm cakes (bread rolls) and rugby league (similar to football but not as good). The nightlife is great; both cabaret AND bingo all on the same night, but only in the classier social clubs. Russ
Wick
There is nothing in Wick except sullen faced youths hanging around chip shops and denim clad drunken tinkers who talk to cider bottles. There is nothing to do except drive cars for no reason other than to make their tyres squeak with handbrake turns. Everybody in the entire town has snot hanging from their noses. [...]
Whitby
Highlight: Bagdale Hall Hotel & Bottle of 1989 Ch�teau Lafit Rothschild I drank there. Dracula. Lowlight: Watching some local yobs kick a dog to death. One of the settings for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, this small town appears quaint on first laying eyes on it. After driving down through the beautiful North Yorkshire Moors and through [...]
Welwyn Garden City
I defy you to find one person smiling, or even anyone who isn’t thinking “Why am I here? Why am I here? Why am I here? Please someone kill me,” over and over again, then holding their breath until they pass out. That really is it. It sucks the daylight out of the day and [...]
Wellingborough
I have been there, and never will go again. I can not say any more. You will just have to take this one on trust. Dr Bad This town which, during the ’80s, dreamt of housing the disaffected of London never quite managed it and consequently became a haven of mediocrity with hundreds of identikit [...]
Watford
Any historical elements have been gutted and replaced with the usual nightmare shit scenario: Theme pubs – full of angry young fools who can’t take their (overpriced/watered down)drink. Retail Parks – where you can’t ever park. A’fortress’ style shopping centre. A ring road with three manic one-way lanes which reveal prime Watford architecture along the [...]
Waterford
Anyone who has had the misfortune to be domiciled here deserves sympathetic counselling. Its windswept, rain sodden location is erroneously referred to by the tourist board as the ‘Sunny South East’. A quick sojourn by the grim river, vainly attempting to stop your umbrella from inverting, soon puts paid to this idea. I can only [...]
Warrington
A town with pretensions of being a city. It suffers from being between Manchester and Liverpool and as a consequence has developed a kind hybrid noise of an accent. Warrington is characterised by lots of angry men all produced from the same mould. Think of the thick-set, no necked, plodding Neanderthal type being from all [...]
Walsall
The filthy streets, the unwashed masses, the charming local accent that makes us sound as though we were born retarded and have been drinking turpentine every day since then… These are the best aspects of Walsall. There’s a new art gallery, grey and shaped like a box. Clearly a great deal of thought went into [...]
Wakefield
Famous residents: The pop group “Black Lace”, responsible for such timeless gems as “We’re having a gang bang” and “Aggadoo” Squashed like a Lamb’s testicles into the kebab of West Yorkshire is the city of Wakefield. Known locally (and somewhat confusingly) as the “Merry City”, this depressing abyss now passes its days as a staging [...]
Venlo
Pubs: Hundreds of 80s throwback bars, “Rock” cafes and alcohol selling Turkish cafes. In fact pretty much every building in the city sells alcohol. Amenities: Pot selling coffeeshops – hundreds, mostly illegal. People in the street selling pot – hundreds, all illegal, many very annoying. The “mountain” – a slope by UK standards. Venlo might [...]
"All pubs are terrible places now. I mean you wouldn't have known a decent pub at your age, I shouldn't think. They didn't have fucking music. They didn't have cigarette machines. They didn't sell the chemical beer. They were for proper drinkers, not for fucking yobs, hooligans. I want to go into a pub and meet interesting people, not to look at a lot of people sitting on the floor drinking out of tins. I can't stand it. Mostly people in your age group. Ruin pubs."