I had a job in the reprographics department of a secondary school. It was a disaster from the start. The work load was impossible to cope with and the copiers kept breaking down. I worked on my own. Queues of teachers psychotic with stress screamed for their copying to be done immediately. It was impossible [...]
Whilst completing a Master’s degree at Lancaster University (see crap towns) the year before last, I was simultaneously engaged in tackling the world of work. Having applied for countless tedious jobs, I ended up being taken on by a 24 hour petrol station, doing Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights from 11 till 7 in [...]
Probably the only office based job there is in which exclaiming – “I don’t want to be stuck in anal sex all day” – won’t be met by even the merest elevation of eyebrow, working on a phone sex line seemed like a good idea at first. After three months however, the novelty had well [...]
Ignoring the fact that any form of labour, either physical or cerebral, is a basic insult to the human spirit, I’ve had a number of shit jobs. Chief amongst them were the twelve hour night shifts I used to regularly do at the cardboard factory near my house. This particular firm didn’t make boxes, or [...]
I work for National Rail Enquiries…yes, there is still a call centre in the UK (although only until next April…then it all moves to India where they pay them the equivalent of £1 an hour). I’ve been there for 3 years. Everything you do is watched, taped, timed and recorded. You have to stick to [...]
After an unpleasant incident with my bank manager in the summer of 1996 (he physically threatened me in his office due to my immense and unauthorized student overdraft) I was reluctantly forced to get a summer job through a temp agency. As I lived in a remote Cheshire village and had no transport the only [...]
A summer job working at a local mental hospital was supposed to be a bag of laughs. I had envisioned chatting therapeutically to slightly confused older folk over soothing cups of tea, but no. As I was the new recruit – worse, a student – the hardened old lags of orderlies gave me a series [...]
During my Student years (having not yet become accustomed to a life of poverty) I got a summer job in a Marquee erection company in Thornton Heath. My reasoning being that: 1. I would earn money so would make friends and have fun. 2. I would be working outside so I would get a tan [...]
Some years ago I took a part time job working at a green house that produced lettuces. The lettuces were packed into big cardboard trays, and it was my job to take the flat cardboard blanks, fold over the end to make them up into trays, then staple each end using a large industrial staple [...]
Ah, buxom, rosy-cheeked milkmaids carrying wooden pails, cheery, Ermintrude-like cows with flowers in their mouths… yuh, right. The milk comes out of a pipe, into waxed cardboard boxes, which become the familiar tetrapaks. Tetrapaks are then fitted into trays of a dozen, which are shrinkwrapped. When the trays come out of the wrapping machine, they’re [...]
IDLER DEPUTY ED IN McDONALDS HELL I worked at McDonalds, in Liverpool. I didn’t get any stars. I failed all the tests, even though they merely involved copying the answers from The Big Book of McDonalds Test Answers into the questionnaire. Also, I had to work twice as hard as everyone else as the other [...]
It’s all very well celebrating being idle if you’re Louis Theroux or some other member of the Groucho mafia and get paid healthy sums for idling with the great, good and kitsch. For those of us who have yet to escape the provinces life is necessarily idle and it is hell. I would happily avoid [...]
I worked in a warehouse for a week where they flattened out old cardboard boxes and redistributed them for wholesalers. It was complete physical agony, but it was the mental pain that weighed heaviest. I was working with a guy who’d been there for 20 years (and didn’t even take time off on Christmas Eve). [...]
My parents forced me to take a summer job working at a kennels. The sun shone all that summer: it shone on the quiet lanes of Binfield, on the birds chirping gaily in the beech trees, on children playing hide-and-seek on freshly mown lawns: it shone on the dog crap festering in the corners of [...]
For the past year I have been blissfully, magnificently idle. But lately I have noticed my pockets are not bottomless, and the bottom I have hit is full of lint and only lint. No hidden pots of gold anywhere to be found. So I decided to look for a “job”. I dragged myself, kicking and [...]
After graduating from a prestigious London design college and realising that I wasn’t going to get a job, I found work at a small shop in the more salubrious end of Soho selling overpriced designer gee-gaws to media types. The job had it’s perks, I’ve sold cheap tat at high prices to people from the [...]
In the Summer of 1992 I worked in an off-licence on the edges of a South Coast town. Minimum wage, of course, whatever that was at the time. It was an amount that ran constantly through the mind during the outrageous tedium of the day, the only answer to “what the hell am I doing [...]
For a time, struggling as a quasi-legal immigrant writer in the East Anglian hinterland, I worked in a restaurant owned by a chef whose name one would undoubtedly recognize were I not bound by the terms of a hastily signed nondisclosure agreement. The food prepared by this chef, whose name I’m sure one would instantly [...]
Janitors are viewed by most as being very low down the food chain, to be an assistant Janitor is as low as it gets. The guy I was working with was about 50 and proud of the fact the he was a Janitor. He had ridiculously ineffecient systems for doing everything but to even suggest [...]
As I reached 17, my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to start to learn to ‘pay my way’. I applied for a vacancy advertised in the Kent Messenger classifieds for holiday work at a popular tourist attraction, you’ll know it, a castle sharing it’s name with a Yorkshire city. I [...]
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Books
A 32 page book from Mr Gwynne, giving the principle parts of speech and basic grammatical elements. An essential component of any library, this is a beautifully typeset booklet which has been hand-sewn by Mr Brett. £8.95.
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Tom Hodgkinson's literary guide to husbandry. 'A delightful read,' James Delingpole, Mail on Sunday. 'Hugely inspiring,' Sarah Bakewell, New Statesman. 'Bizarre yet always beguiling,' Daily Mail. Illustrated by Alice Smith and typeset by Christian Brett. Signed first edition hardback. £16.99.
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The 2011 issue of the Idler is devoted to the idea of small business as an alternative to the grind of the nine-to-five. Tom also tells the story of how he and Victoria Hull set up the Idler Academy.
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The new 'Back to the Land' issue features a major interview with David Hockney who has also contributed two sketches. Essayists include Paul Kingsnorth, Harry Mount, Penny Rimbaud, Jay Griffiths and Simon Fairlie,.
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350 page Idler, a collection of radical essays by Alain De Botton, Penny Rimbaud, John Mitchinson, Jay Griffiths, Paul Kingsnorth, Oliver James. Published 17 June 2009. In Stock. Order now.
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Order Now. Published 5th March. "Wise, funny, practical and personal, The Idle Parent puts the fun back into parenting." Oliver James
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Take control of your life and reclaim your right to be idle. SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR.
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A sumptuous compendium of one hundred pleasures, each lovingly described and illustrated.
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"Packed with wit, anecdotes and ideas ..." Word Magazine
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"Very funny...should be at the top of Tony Blair's reading
list." The Times
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Recommended to anyone interested in either angling or doing nothing.
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"Read this eye-opening and amusingly written book" Daily Mail
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