A Country Diary – 37

19 December 2005

THE FRONT GARDEN, while a mess, does at least have some colour in it. The three hellebores I planted last year are starting to flower. The primroses in the bed outside the kitchen window seem to flower perpetually. There is an alpine thing of some sort with lots of little pink flowers that is still flowering. Although I’m not much of a fuschia fan, the fuschia bush in the corner does produce lots of flowers. There are three yellow roses on one of the rose bushes. There’s a little purple flower, and until I took them inside there were a couple of trailing geraniums with dark red flowers that were doing well. With a bit of weeding and the lawn mown (it hasn’t been mowed since August), it could look quite smart. I’m also considering digging up part of the lawn for a vegetable bed, the plan being to to start with salads. It seems to make sense to have some salad near the front door. I also imagine that I could look after salad better if I saw it every day rather than consigning it to the vegetable patch, where the slugs sometimes enjoy undisturbed days on end to destroy all my hard work.. What else should I be doing now? Pruning the roses, I guess. For some reason rise-pruning terrifies me. I always think that I’m going to cut in the wrong direction or cut above the bud or below it or whichever is the wrong way. Or prune at the wrong time of year. Time also to fertilize with cow much or horse muck. My own self-made compost all went on the permaculture mulch which has provided a warm and rich home for a vast slug colony.

WHILE MOST things look weak and spindly on the veg patch, particularly after the sheep attack, the broad beans are all pushing through delightfully, 64 little sprouts, all in neat rows.

I WENT HORSE-RIDING yesterday, and cantered again, which was thrilling. I am beginning to realise what the attraction is and why you get all these horsey people. It really is magical, to be moved through space by an animal, with no seat belts! However, it’s an awful lot of work, having a horse. There’s the mucking out, moving them in, moving them out, putting their blankets on, organising their feeds, looking after the saddles, cleaning the saddles. And the expense! Getting the horses clipped and shoed, the cost of the kit and the food, at least I don’t wear those special clothes — although I quite like the idea of a long red riding coat, 1750-style — well, it’s mind-boggling. And I understand that even a very ordinary beginners’ type horse costs two grand. And all that for a mode of transport that you can’t really use on the roads! Maybe correspondent Graham is right and I should stick with the humble bicycle. The horse thing may just be too much work and too much money, both things that I’m trying to avoid.

HAVE I MENTIONED bread lately? Each week I’ve been baking four loaves using the John Seymour method mentioned in an earlier country diary. It’s incredibly easy, very enjoyable, immensely satisfying, and produces the most fantastic bread for less than 20p a loaf. Baking bread also has the advantage of not involving any travel or driving or supermarkets or tedious blimmin shopping. And by the way, there is absolutely no point whatsoever in buying a bread-maker. You don’t need a machine to do it because it is so very easy to do it without a machine. I’m going to give the recipe again. Once you start making your own bread you’ll never want to buy shop crap ever again. Three quarters fill a mixing bowl with warm water. Mix in a handful of sugar, and handful of salt and a handful of yeast. Mix thoroughly. Pour in a load of flour and mix and mix and mix, till sludgy. Leave to rise for four to eight hours. Dump a load of flour on the table. Pour the risen mixture on top. Spend about twenty minutes kneading the dough, adding more flour when it becomes sticky. You can use whatever flour is around: we buy sacks from the wholesalers. You can mix white and wholegrain flour, use pasta flour. Use a slightly different mix each time. I even got away with using self-raising flour once, in my even more ignorant days. Take four loaf tins, sprinkle the insides with flour and half fill each with the dough. Make any left over dough into little rolls. Cover with tea towels and leave to rise for half an hour to an hour. Score the tops with anarchy signs or your initials. Then put in a very hot oven for twenty minutes or so. Turn out of the tins, allow to cool and put two in the freezer. Bread, bread, delicious bread!

 

A Country Diary – 36

7 December 2005

MORE PROBLEMS WITH cars. This morning I received a summons, asking me to attend a court appearance in January where I would be accused of driving without insurance and failing to produce my driving license and MOT when asked to by police. This relates to my car crash in the summer, when I drove a guest’s car round the corner, crashed into a neighbour coming up the hill and then realised I wasn’t insured. For some strange reason I thought that the police may have turned a blind eye but clearly not. The question now, being definitely guilty, is what sentence will I receive? I could plead mitigating circumstances — stupidity, perhaps?  — but they’re bound to throw something at me. What sort of fine would it be? Actually, I was thinking that if I was banned it might not be too bad. In any case, I’ve been planning on selling the van and going down to one car. I calculated that the annual running cost of a car, what with maintenance, tax, insurance, depreciation, petrol, dealing with crashes and all the rest of it, is something vast, probably more than three thousand pounds, and that could get you a hell of a lot of taxi rides plus it would be a lot less hassle. In any case, the van is a absolute pain. Just this morning Victoria got it stuck in the mud and we had to run round putting pieces of carpet under the tires to rescue it.

BEING BANNED from driving might also accelerate my riding project. My long-term plan is to use a horse as a means of local transport instead of the car. One day I’d like the to go as far as getting a trap to go with it for trips to the beach. However, we are beginning to realise that there is a huge amount of cost and hassle involved in running a horse. Maybe even more than a car, although I can’t believe it. In fact, our neighbour, whose stables our temporary pony uses, is thinking of sending her temporary horse back to its owner because of the sheer amount of hard toil that the thing demands. Oh dear, is there no way of living without interminable work and hassle? Maybe we should go back to using our two feet. Walking might be slow but at least it’s reliable and also completely free.

THREE STRAY sheep appeared in our yard the other day. I called our landlords but they said to leave them alone as they did not belong to them and would find their way home eventually. So we had pet sheep for a few days, and at first this was fun. But this morning I went up to my vegetable patch, and of course the hungry blighters had got into it and completely nibbled away all the kale leaves and half of the broccoli plants, not to mention the parsnip tops and a good deal of the strawberry plants as well. Ah, me. I think they will all grow back, but the kale attack in particular saddens me. Before the sheep came I had four sticks with a few sad looking leaves on top. Now there are just four sticks. I hope they enjoyed their meal.

VICTORIA has been on an upholstery course locally, which has been great. She’s enjoyed it very much and has mended one of those rush-work Van Gogh chairs that had been sitting around the house looking sad for years. It’s got me thinking about a craft revival. Instead of slaving away in boring call centres and office jobs and warehouses, would it not be more sensible to go on a course — they are really very cheap — and learn a craft? Apart from being intrinsically enjoyable and useful for one’s own household, in these days of mass production, well made, handmade objects can fetch good prices. Stop consuming and start producing!

 

Books

brave old world

Gwynne's Grammar By N.M. Gwynne

A 32 page book from Mr Gwynne, giving the principle parts of speech and basic grammatical elements. An essential component of any library, this is a beautifully typeset booklet which has been hand-sewn by Mr Brett. £8.95.
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brave old world

Brave Old World By Tom Hodgkinson

Tom Hodgkinson's literary guide to husbandry. 'A delightful read,' James Delingpole, Mail on Sunday. 'Hugely inspiring,' Sarah Bakewell, New Statesman. 'Bizarre yet always beguiling,' Daily Mail. Illustrated by Alice Smith and typeset by Christian Brett. Signed first edition hardback. £16.99.
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idler 44 Mind your business

Idler 44: Mind your business

The 2011 issue of the Idler is devoted to the idea of small business as an alternative to the grind of the nine-to-five. Tom also tells the story of how he and Victoria Hull set up the Idler Academy.
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idler 42 Smash the system

Idler 43: Back to the Land

The new 'Back to the Land' issue features a major interview with David Hockney who has also contributed two sketches. Essayists include Paul Kingsnorth, Harry Mount, Penny Rimbaud, Jay Griffiths and Simon Fairlie,.
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idler 42 Smash the system

Idler 42: Smash the System

350 page Idler, a collection of radical essays by Alain De Botton, Penny Rimbaud, John Mitchinson, Jay Griffiths, Paul Kingsnorth, Oliver James. Published 17 June 2009. In Stock. Order now.
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idle parent

The Idle Parent

Order Now. Published 5th March. "Wise, funny, practical and personal, The Idle Parent puts the fun back into parenting." Oliver James
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how to be idle

How to be Idle by Tom Hodgkinson

Take control of your life and reclaim your right to be idle. SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR.
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book of idle pleasures

The Book of Idle Pleasures

A sumptuous compendium of one hundred pleasures, each lovingly described and illustrated.
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how to be free

How to be Free by Tom Hodgkinson

"Packed with wit, anecdotes and ideas ..." Word Magazine
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i fought the law

I Fought the Law by Dan Kieran

"Very funny...should be at the top of Tony Blair's reading list." The Times
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how to fish

How to Fish by Chris Yates

Recommended to anyone interested in either angling or doing nothing.
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cloudspotter's guide

The Cloudspotter's Guide by Gavin Pretor-Pinney

"Read this eye-opening and amusingly written book" Daily Mail
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