20 December 2008
Just to notify everyone that we have sent the last Christmas orders off, and any orders received from now will be posted in the New Year.
As for the Idler itself, you may have noticed that there has been no October issue. This is because we are “between” publishers. Ebury, after seven issues, have called it a day. We are talking to new potential publishers, and in the meantime we are working on Issue 42: Smash The System. This will be a 350 page hardback retailing for twenty pounds. We are publishing it independently and it will be released on May 1.
Have a very merry Christmastide.
TH
09 December 2008
We’re thinking of bucking the trend this year and getting luxurious gifts for loved ones. Books and food should never be “economised” on, and it’s better to get small amounts of very good stuff than large amounts of rubbish. Feed the body and mind with quality ingredients. My friend Alan is selling the most fantastic artisan-made sugars, salts and teas on his new Speciality Farm Foods website. A little of the sugar on porridge or oats in the morning is something else.
Merriment is also important, and to that end may I suggest ukuleles as presents? There is only one place to go, and that is the wonderful new site from The Duke of Uke, London’s ukulele emporium.
Finally, we have just produced a nice downloadable Idler Price List, listing all the books we sell, plus t-shirts and other stuff. The Idler’s Diary 2009 is a particularly cheering gift, and we have a few comforting hoodies left, too. A new release is John Mitchinson’s essay on William Morris, first published in the QI Idler, which Christian Brett of Bracketpress has produced in a fine limited letterpress hardback edition.
TH
05 December 2008
Charles Hazlewood is coming to our local village hall in North Devon to host a Christmas Wassail party. Wassailing is an English custom involving the singing of old songs and the drinking of large quantities of spiced cider.
The date for this evening of merry-making is SATURDAY DECEMBER 13TH (*NOT* FRIDAY 12TH as previously advertised), the time is 6pm, and the place is Hannington Hall, Martinhoe, EX31 4QT. Martinhoe is off the A39, next to Woody Bay.
£5 on the door; kids free.
TH
02 December 2008
The Guardian today reports that the government is going to crack down on that terrifying and dangerous group of wasters and scroungers, single mothers.
The proposals say that every mother of a child over one year old should be forced to get a job:
“… James Purnell, the work and pensions secretary, will defy critics when he publishes a review prepared by the academic Paul Gregg that will propose all lone parents with children as young as one should be required to make themselves ready for work.
“The government proposed in a green paper in July to make it a requirement for lone parents with children aged seven or more to seek work, proposals that had already led to a backlash. It is estimated there are 600,000 lone parents with children aged under seven.”
Get those lazy feckless Mothers into jobs! The Guardian continues:
“Gregg is to propose a new category of benefit claimants—the progression to work group—who he says should face clearer state requirements to make themselves ready for work.
“The Department for Work and Pensions said this group would include lone parents with children as young as one, partners of people on benefits with children under seven and incapacity benefit claimants deemed to be capable of work.”
It’s another piece of legislation which seeks to enforce the government’s fiercely pro-work ideology, and their conviction that women should dump their toddlers in childcare facilities while they go and slave in Tesco’s. In the 19th century, such indigents were sent to the workhouse. Their kids were sent to the workhouse as well. The report continues:
“This group, before they are actually ready to actively seek work, would be expected to address debt, confidence or health problems, as well as taking on work and skills training. Young mothers might also be required to make inquiries about access to childcare in their locality.”
It’s a chillingly brutal and authoritarian move:
“‘Sanctions would only apply to those who refuse to take steps to be job-ready that have been jointly agreed with their personal advisers in Job Centres’, said a DWP official.”
This sort of language reminds me of another government attempt to get people into full-time jobs. I ‘ll quote it here:
“Work-shy elements within the meaning of this order are men who are old enough to work and who have recently been certified fit and who can be proved to have rejected offers of work on two occasions without just cause or have accepted work only to abandon it again shortly afterwards without adequate reason.”
The date of this announcement? 1938. The author? Heinrich Himmler. The solution?
“All protective custody prisoners will be sent to concentration camp Buchenwald near Weimar.”
Watch out, people. It’s during times of economic collapse that bits of authoritarian legislation tend to get sneaked through.
01 December 2008
The Financial Times today publishes a few figures on deaths in the oil industry. Thirty Shell workers were killed in 2007, they say, and that figure was eight for Exxonmobil and seven for BP. Click here for the full story. It’s a well known fact that work is very dangerous, and often fatal. Each year, according to the UN, over two million people around the world die from work-related causes, that’s over three times the number who are killed in wars. Needless to say, the deaths tend to be among the low grade workers rather than the port-swilling board directors. Another reason, then, to quit your job.
Shell blamed some of the deaths on unruly Nigerians. But “dangerous conditions”, ie resistance to foreign exploitation by locals, has not stopped the general move of Western money into Africa and other so-called “emerging markets”, as this story about private equity firm Actis, also from today’s FT, shows. When there is nothing left to commodify in the First World, the system aggressively seeks out new markets elsewhere around the world.
24 November 2008
At times like these, we must all get out there and do our duty. This propaganda film, made by Neil Boorman, should be distributed to all citizens.
Meanwhile, those readers who miss the old Idler forum, can go here to the new one.
21 November 2008
Idler editor Tom Hodgkinson is giving a talk with his meditating Dad, Neville Hodgkinson, on the meaning of doing nothing, the work ethic, and the mystical path. The discussion will be chaired by teacher Sarah Cavanagh.
It’s at Oxford Town Hall, St Aldates, Oxford, on Wednesday 3 December, 7.30 to 9pm, and admission is free.
19 November 2008
ONE MORNING IN MID OCTOBER, I DECIDED THAT I could save a fortune by brewing my own beer. Right now I am spending anything from £1.20 to £2 per bottle of fine ale, and it’s all adding up to a considerable outlay. So I took myself off to the local homebrew shop. I was looking forward to it. I imagined long conversations about breweries, real ale and hops with a cheery moustachioed member of CAMRA. Instead there was a large bespectacled unsmiling woman behind the counter who answered my queries in as few syllables as possible.
(more…)
06 November 2008
The writer, critic and founder of Hermenaut magazine, Joshua Glenn, has just published an important piece of work called The Idler’s Glossary with Biblioasis in Canada. It’s a very nicely produced and illustrated pocket-sized guide to around 400 idling related terms, from Absent-minded to Working-Class Hero. A shorter version appeared in the Idler magazine nearly ten years ago, but this is a much-improved text. I urge everyone to get a copy—a great pleasure and a great read. We plan to offer it for sale in the Idler Shop, but for now you can get it from Amazon by clicking here
Essential reading matter
16 October 2008
IN THE VEGETABLE GARDEN, not much is happening apart from nasturtiums. There are nasturtiums everywhere: yellow, red and orange. Such a fantastic flower. Very easy to grow, nice to look at and delicious to eat. The pods can be pickled in jam jars for a caper substitute. And at a time when there is little happening in the garden, they give a mass of joyous colour. They are also good for the bees, and I‘ve seen a few little buzzers flying in and out of the flowers. (more…)
14 October 2008
IF THERE’S ONE element of my book How To Be Free that the scoffers really rounded on, it was the positive light I threw on various medieval institutions and approaches to life. To see anything good in the Middle Ages contradicts our neophyte conditioning. But the medievals really did have some excellent ideas. Community rather than individuality was at the heart of the medieval approach to things. For example, Florence and the city states called themselves communes, and governed themselves with a revolving panel of guild master craftsmen.
Well, the medieval approach to economics is particularly interesting given what is happening in the financial world right now, because it specifically banned usury, that is, the lending of money at interest. Usury was reserved for the lowest of the low. It was not the done thing. The medieval society had taken to heart Biblical injunctions against usury and also the example of Jesus turning over the tables of the money-changers.
(more…)
26 September 2008
IT‘S BEEN A LONG COLD miserable summer. We took a three week road trip around the UK, putting on events at festivals, visiting friends and family and staying for a week on a fruit farm in Norfolk. On arrival home in mid-August, the weather stayed bad. The problem with going away is that the veg patch suffers. (more…)
23 September 2008
TODAY we proudly announce the release of The Idler’s Diary 2009. This is a first for us: it’s an elegant appointments diary with illustrations by Idler favourites Pete Loveday and Alice Smith. Throughout, we remind you not only of Bank Holidays, but also all the forgotten saints’ days from the fun-filled medieval calendar. There are also history, science and cooking lessons from Alex James, Louis Theroux, Bill Drummond and Gavin Pretor-Pinney, as well as medieval art, romantic poetry and Gwyn cartoons to help you enjoy yourself all year round.
It costs a mere £9.99 and you can order it now by clicking here
Sample spread. Click here to magnify.
Sample spread. Click here to magnify
16 September 2008
Idler editor Tom Hodgkinson is giving a sermon entitled Love Thy Neighbour at London’s Horse Hospital, as a guest of the newly established School of Life.
The sermon takes place at 11.30am on Sunday 26 October, and you can click here for more details.
25 July 2008
Here is a pdf of the programme designed by Christian Brett for the series of debates we organised at 2008’s Secret Garden Party.
Click to download pdf.
17 June 2008
The Idler is coming to three festivals this summer.
1. Ledbury Poetry Festival
TOM HODGKINSON speaks on poetry, idleness and radical thought.
Sunday 5 July, 3.45pm, Burgage Hall
Click here for the festival website
2. Camp Bestival, Dorset
TOM HODGKINSON on merriment and ukuleles.
Saturday 20 July, 3.45pm
Also appearing are GAVIN PRETOR-PINNEY and MICHAEL SMITH.
Click here for the festival website
3. Secret Garden Party, near Huntingdon
Thursday 24 — Sunday 27 July 2008
THIS YEAR at the Secret Garden Party, we present our very own grove: a debating space with adjoining medieval garden. We have organised a programme of dialogues, during which our favourite poets, philosophers and writers will ponder the big philosophical issue: how to live. Appearing over the four days will be Crass co-founder, poet, essayist and artist PENNY RIMBAUD, New Economics Foundation director ANDREW SIMMS, NEF associate and medievalist DAVID BOYLE, QI writer JOHN MITCHINSON, author DAN KIERAN (I Fought The Law) and JAY GRIFFITHS (Pip Pip and Wild), brand-burner NEIL BOORMAN, plus poet and playwright CLARE POLLARD, radical historian JOHN NICHOLSON, and actor, musician and publisher DAVID BRAMWELL. Plus lunchtime poetry in KIRSTY KNIGHT-BRUCE’s medieval herber and music in the evenings from LOUIS ELIOT and JOHN MOORE.
Click here for the festival website
02 June 2008
I’m pleased to announce the line-up of this year’s Lynton and Lynmouth Music Festival. Headlining this year is KEITH ALLEN’S ten piece party band GROW UP. The festival is free and takes place in the lovely North Devon towns of Lynton and Lynmouth.
The dates are 13th June to 15th June. For camping enquiries call:
Sunny Lyn, 01598 753384
Cloud Farm, 01598 741234 (featured in Cool Camping)
Oaremead Farm, 01598 741267
Channel View, 01598 753349
Caffyn’s Cross, 01598 752379
Millslade, 01598 741322
Southernwood, 01598 741174
And here is the complete line-up:
FRIDAY 13th JUNE
Lynton Town Hall, 8pm-2am
£12.50 a ticket (this is the only paying event)
Kaya Natty & EZPZ
Fajita Funk
The Yum Yums
SATURDAY 14th
Manor Green, Lynmouth
12pm till 6.30pm
Justin Welch’s Amazing Drummers
Candy Thief
Treasure Tones
Moon Music Orchestra
Judy Dyble & the Conspirators
KEITH ALLEN’S GROW UP
Woody Bay Station, Martinhoe Cross
1pm till 6pm
Tabloid Press
Dan Arborise
Dr Butler’s Hatstand Medicine Band
Mik Artistik’s Ego Trip
Beth Jeans Houghton
Jodie Jones
St Mary’s Church, Lynton
1pm
Charles Hazlewood presents a lunchtime classical concert
St Mary’s Church, Lynton
4pm till 9pm
musicatstbarnabas presents:
UK States
Off Ground Touch
Melody, Melodica and Me
Tallulah Rendall
Kerry Leatham
Fiona Bevan
Anthony Elvin
Sam Beer
Cosmicorus
Little Ray
The Crown, Lynton
From 7.30pm
Mik Artistik’s Ego Trip
Beep Seals
Superimposers
Gotham City Gangsters
Twinkranes
The Queens, Lynton
From 7.30pm
Dan Arborise
Balao
Beth Jeans Houghton
Juxtaposed
Chris Millington
Andy Votel
SUNDAY 15th June
Manor Green, Lynmouth
12.30pm till 6pm
The Guerilla Marching Band
Wolf People
Beep Seals
Booger Red
Indigo Moss
Pete Molinari
BABYHEAD
Woody Bay Station, Martinhoe Cross
12pm till 5pm
Balao
Music, Melodica and Me
Jane Weaver
Erland Cooper
Babelfish
Cosmo D Hines
Second World War
THE ALAN METHOD for successful chicken keeping has been a great success. Since moving the feed bins out of the henhouse, and locking them in till one o’clock, and disturbing any other stray nests, we have been averaging six eggs a day. Arthur is already salivating at the extra income this could give him. If we produce 42 eggs each week, and eat twelve of those ourselves, and he sells each box at the top of the lane for one pound, then he could make five pounds a week.
IN HALF TERM, we drove up to the Hay literary festival where I gave a talk with Big Issue founder John Bird and New Economics Foundation director Andrew Simms. We sang “The Bear Necessities”, “Seventeen” by the Sex Pistols and “Sunny Afternoon”, all chosen for their anti-work sentiments, to my ukulele accompaniment. Bird is a great man and a true radical and I hope to work with him on future Idlers and other system-smashing projects. Two days later I met up with my friend the writer Jay Griffiths and Penny Rimbaud. Jay was giving a talk. She banned Penny from coming as she was afraid he might cause a rumpus by attacking Jay’s fellow panel members. So instead Penny and I sat in the beer garden and chatted. We discussed the appalling corporatisation of the festival: it is covered in sponsorship banners of unspeakable vulgarity. There are Barclays Wealth banners, United Emirates airlines banners, Sky TV leaflets everywhere. One wonders where all this money is going: certainly the writers do not get paid. Penny was fuming about all this and then went to the bar to get drinks. On his return he reported that the bar staff were doing fourteen hour shifts at minimum wage, and were lucky if they took home £50, after an exhausting day of being abused by middle class Hay punters. Penny said the whole thing made him feel very uneasy and that he felt like slashing a banner. I said, “well, I’ve got my penknife here.” Penny said: “Shall we do it?” I said, “yes”. So Penny slowly strolled up to a United Emirates banner, and elegantly made a diagonal cut in it from top left to bottom right. Hardly had he put the penknife away when two very young Hay employees came up to him and said, “what are you doing?” “I’m protesting against this sponsor.” A minute later, three security guards came and hovered over our picnic table. One said, “we’re going to have you arrested for criminal damage.” He called the police who came over and questioned us. We remained pleasant and co-operative. Penny was arrested. I had my knife confiscated, and we were all escorted from the premises. I was told to stay out of the festival site, and Penny was driven off to the police station. He was released with a caution. He said that the police had treated him with the utmost courtesy and respect, and even suggested that they approved of his stance. What’s more, when he was wandering around Hay later, a family came up to him. They’d seen the slashing incident, and the Dad said: “We thought what you did in there was wonderful,”
BACK HOME life springs everywhere. In the hedgerows the blackthorn blossom is coming out. There are dozens of foxgloves (digitalis purparae) everywhere. There is red campion, herb robert (geranium robertianum), creeping buttercup (rununculus repens) and germander speedwell (veronica chamaedrys), a nice little four-petalled blue thing. It would be nice to look into the medicinal properties of these flowers. Everyone knows that digitalis has some uses. Back in the medieval days, of course, food and medicine were almost the same thing. Modern medicine has its roots in herbal remedies, of course, but these days—alas!—the potions are controlled and regulated and produced by vast profit-making drugs companies. Surely it is time for some revolutionary actions? I’ve been reading Mark Ames’ book Going Postal, which describes the various rage murders in the States over the last twenty years or so, and argues that the modern American workplace is a savage and inhumane place to be. And so no wonder that oppressed workers unleash their rage. In the vegetable patch there is camomile popping up everywhere, as well as mint, and self-seeded nasturtiums are all over the place. I transplanted several tiny nasturtiums to the side bed. The veg garden is looking even better since I weeded and tidied the paths. I have also covered them with sand and stones. The sand came from a local beach, and the stones are all just lying around. It’s starting to turn into a pleasant place to be, and I now plan to carve my diggers’ motto into a piece of wood. The motto is: IN TERRA LIBERTATEM QUAERIMUS, which means, as if I need to tell you, “we seek freedom in the earth”.
ENDS
19 May 2008
WE CAME HOME the other day to find that Milly the cat had brought home a little wild bunny. Presumably she intended to kill it and eat, but when we arrived, she was doing a bit of laid back torturing and tormenting prior to moving in for the kill. The bunny was perfectly alive. It was about eight inches long and a sort of grey colour. At first we speculated that it might be the offspring of Blossom. Blossom has gone half wild. We saw her sitting under the gate, being courted by a wild rabbit, who scarpered when I approached. We have seen her disappearing down a rabbit hole near the vegetable patch, presumably to spend some time with this boyfriend. I have also noticed a lot of evidence of nibbling in the vegetable patch: radish seedlings have lost their leaves overnight.
Well, whether or not this rabbit was the progeny of Blossom and Wild Jack Rabbit, we decided to keep her. We put her on the table whereupon she ran along it and flew off the end, I suppose never having encountered a table before. We held her and she seemed to enjoy being stroked, although her poor little heart was beating at a furious pace. We put him in a basket with some water, hay and leaves and put it next to Delilah’s bed. Delilah called her Thomasina Nibbles Hodgkinson. We warned the children that the bunny may not be weaned and therefore could die overnight without its mother’s milk. But in the morning, Nibbles was still alive. Yes, we said. You can take her to school.
But then, tragedy struck. In a moment of neglectful parenting, we left Henry alone with the bunny. Ten minutes later, Delilah brought a very limp and floppy rabbit to see me. “Her head’s gone floppy,” she said. A frank and full investigation led to the following conclusion: Henry had repeatedly thrown Nibbles high into the ait and let her land on the sofa. We guessed that it was during this treatment that her neck broke. Henry got a stern telling off, and while the kids were at school I composed the follwing epitaph for Nibbles’ grave:
Here lies Thomasina Nibbles Hodgkinson. Rabbit. Brought in by Milly on 10 May 2008. Killed by Henry, 11 May 2008. RIP.
I AM CURRENTLY enthused about the vegetable garden. After suffering repeated attacks from the pony, and from the hens, I decided it was time to spend a little money on fortifying the area. From the start I have tried to keep the vegetable garden spend down to as near nought pounds as possible, and apart from the cost of seeds, have managed quite well. But to lose all one’s hard work as a result of inadequate protection is very frustrating. The general aesthetics of the place were woeful, too: barbed wire and broken gates, nettles in the borders. So I asked my friend Alan to come and help and advise. We bought fourteen fifteen foot rails and a few fence posts. Between each existing fence post we put in a new one. I took down all the barbed wire. We sawed the nails to length and nailed them up, and stapled in chicken wire all around the fence. It now looks a thousand times better, and I have started to tidy up the paths and the beds.
I now proudly present the following list of what is growing right now:
Peas: the variety is Alderman. I have sowed three times: the first sowing was completely lost, I know now to what. Now there are three short rows sprouting, with two more to be sown. You can’t have enough peas. I have put up pea sticks in the form of old beech twigs and bamboo pole bits, plus some spikey hawthorn branches. I’m planning on trying out another method, where you hang pieces of string down for a frame. The peas cleverly grip on to the sring as they climb.
Squashes: I sowed ten courgettes and other squashes on the windowsill and have so far planted out four. Three are protected by cloches: an old see-through plastic box with a stone on top and two scruffy old plastic bell cloches. The fourth has a protective ring of salt and broken egg shells around it. It has a pleasingly magical appearance. This is my plan: to mix up a big load of slat and egg shell and keep it i a sack on the veg patch, for constant use to deter the slugs.
Climbing French Beans. The variety is called blauhilde, and they did very well last year. This year I grew twelve in pots on the kitchen windowsill. I put in a row of willow poles recently cut down from the willow tree, and planted two plants at the base of each. I also sowed two further seeds into the ground by each pole. Then I put up some kitchen wire all a round the bottom to deter animals. I’m pleased to say that so far so good: the sown seeds are germinating and the planted plants are starting to curl anti-clockwise around the willow poles. And it looks rather charming in a Permaculture sort of way. Most pleasing.
Potatoes: I forget the variety but they are first earlies, and most now have sprouted. I’ve also noticed a few others potato plants sprouting, from last year’s Duke of York tubers which must have been left in the ground. So I am attemting to transplant these into the gaps in the main potato bed, but whether that will work or not I don’t know. All in all there must be around fifty to sixty potato plants.
Garlic: this is shooting up. I don’t know why I haven’t gone big on garlic before. It’s very easy indeed. And is supposed to deter slugs.
Lettuces: I sowed a load of Buttercrunch directly into the soil between tow rows of peas. So far they ar growing beautfully, although there are far too many so I will have to throw away or eat the little ones and leave just four or five to grow up. I have cut an old piece of chicken wire and bent it into a triangle shape to protect them. The same is true, by the way, of the peas. I also sowed a seed tray of lettuces, and have now potted on about a dozen, which I will have to find space for somewhere at some point.
Kale: I sowed a load of kale into a seed tray on the windowsill. I have now transferred fourteen of the seedlings to bigger pots and they are sitting on a table in the sun in the fornt garden. The idea here is to transplant them eventually and create a good kale patch for winter greens.
Turnips: They are growing well. I thin them every ow ands then. They were sown by sprinkling rather than neatly in rows and the effect is wilder but I think good.
Parsnips: I planted some parsnip seedlings and they are doing fine.
Chard: A few of the chard plants are growing back, but do we actually like the taste? Not much. I may replace them with spinach and lettuces.
Marigolds: I sowed twleve marigold seeds on the windowsill, and the little seedlings are now sitting in the front garden. My plan is to grow them up a bit and then plant a couple in each raised bed, in the fashion of the French grape farmers who plant marigolds at the end of each row of vines.
Rocket: I have sowed patches of Wild Grazia and Suzette in various pots and corners of the front garden. “You can never have too much rocket,” we have decided.
Parsley: I sowed a patch of parsley on one of the reaised beds and the seeds all seem to have germinated and are growing steadily. It would be nice to have a large patch rather than the two or three feeble specimens I grew last year.
Tomatos, beetroot and carrots: I’m not bothering with any of these this year. The tomatoes in particular were a huge disappointment last year. I can imagine buying a few plants and just letting them trail aroundf the garden in beds, but never that awful busienss with the pots again. All that work for a handful of mediocre tomatoes - no thanks.
Leeks: I sowed them in a seed tray and now I don’t know what to do with them. I think I did this wrong. Must call Alan.
Sweet peas: I sowed them in a circle around the tree stump on the front lawn, but nothing has happened.
Nasturtiums: There are quite a few self-seeded nasturtiums springing up both in the fron garden and in the vegetable patch. I also bought a packet of nasturtium seeds, and on neighbour Caroline’s advice, placed them in the cracks of the dry stone wall in front of the house. This year I will collect the seeds in a brown envelope, as the nursery man advised me when I bought the seeds. “Save yourself a pound!” he remarked. I think nasturtiums are wonderful: they grow anywhere, the flowers are beautiful, they don’t get slugged, you can eat them and it’s easy to collect the seeds. What’s not to like, as they say?
In the veg patch, I have also taken up all the old black plastic that I’d put underneath the paths as a weed preventor. Little bits of plastic emerged here and there and flapped around, making the palce look awful. On top of the black plastic, the wood chips which I put down a few years ago had turned into soil from which sprang grass and weeds. Now I have removed all that, peeling off wedges of turf like a carpet, and flinging them upside down into the border, because I read somewhere that they will turn inot compost if you do that. Now we are down to weedless mud paths, fine now in the dry, but I suspect which will get muddy and sprout weeds. So my plan is to put down strips of old carpet, then cover that with stones and sand. Then we will have elegant stone paths. I have also started building a cold frame out of bits of wood lying around. I have also acquired a load of sheets of glass from our neighbour’s barn, and intend to make frames out of them somehow or other, maybe using the old glassless windows that are lying around.
So thanks to Alan and the good weather, the vegetable garden is delighting me again.
ALAN HAS also provided some good thoughts on our hen situation. As you know, not a single one of the thirteen chickens appeared to be laying eggs. Now, I had seen a rat quite frequently in the hen house: each time I poked my head in, he would scuttle away. It was like a scene from Babe: at one stage, Blossom the white bunny was living in there. I would open the door, and the bunny, the rat and the hens would hurriedly scurry away from the middle of the barn, where it looked as if they had been holding some sort of animals’ council. Well, one day I found this rat in the fed bin, stuck and sqeaking piteously as he tried to jump up the plastic sides of the bin, and instead of shooting it as I should have, I got the cat and let the rat out. It disappeared through a hole in the wall while the cat looked on. Now, this clever rat, said Alan, may be the cause of our problems. He and his mates are probably stealing the eggs as soon as they are laid. We’ve been providing him with a no-effort food source. Now, that day, thanks to this insight, I policed the henhouse, visitng every half hour. Each time ratty scuttled away, and at around noon I found two eggs. Alan also drew out attention to another nest: Delilah had seen a hen in the hedge. “It’s stuck,” she said. It ran away when the kids approached. “Could be a nest,” said Alan, and a nest it was: I hpsuhed the brambles aside and found a fresh egg sitting there, and the shells of old ones. Alan advised to discourage the hen from returning to the nest by taking the eggs and messing it up. So now we had a total of three eggs, directly attributable to a new level of understanding. Arthur has put them in a box and marked it “Town Farm Eggs, Free Range, Arthur Aged 8, we hope you enjoy our eggs.” Clearly he has an insticnt for marketing. He has also put the price up: doubled it, in fact, from last year’s 60p for six to £1.20. If quizzed, I suppose we could blame the credit crunch, or even rising fuel costs. Although we have no fuel costs. We just use our legs. Maybe we should reduce the price slightly. £1 per box? This morning I put a cat in the henhouse to deter the rats, and we are going to keep them locked in there until one o’clock, to encourage them to lay in the right place and not the hedges. Yes, we will not give up! We will never surrender!
ENDS
06 May 2008
Thanks to everyone who came to our May Day Riot on Thursday May 1st, during which we managed to roast and eat a pig on a traffic island in central London, without having asked for permission.
We had first attempted to roast the pig in the small park in Clerkenwell Close, behind the church, but the local vicar put a stop to that plan for merriment.
We then carried the hot pig and the two burning log baskets to Clerkenwell Green itself and continued to cook the hog there. We’d like to say “Thanks” to a local council man who could recognise the good spirit behind what we were doing and told us to carry on. At around eight thirty, it was ready, and we gave out hog roast buns with apple sauce to the assembled Idler friends, readers and local residents.
It was interesting to note that of all the authorities, council and police seemed to let us get on with what we were doing, but the church did not.
Anyway, you can read Stevyn Colgan’s blog about the event here.
I think it should become a May Day custom: gangs of rogue hog roasters roaming London and cooking up and doling out on the streets.
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"The answer to how to live is to stop thinking about it. And just to live. But you're doing that anyway. However you intellectualise it, you still just live."